I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
