We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
