It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
