he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
two words: eviction party
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
