plz talk dirty to me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize