I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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