I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
