how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
