turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize