Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Mom said you looked used
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
