god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
