guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
