omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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