3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
