He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it hurts more in the daytime
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
