i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
