corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
