He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
