i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
