Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
