i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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