just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
