meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
