At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
