I want to have your abortion
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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