It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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