New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
