Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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