Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you didnt know i had herpes?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
