my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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