I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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