4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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