I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
