she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
