Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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