i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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