i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
