Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
