There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
