I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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