Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
