in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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