you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I forget how to act sober
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
