He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
