I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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