She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
