Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
