i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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