Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
