Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
