I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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