I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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