so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
