Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize