he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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