alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Life is so much better after having sex.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
