Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
