Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
