Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
