i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
