Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
