please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I party with great urgency now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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