My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
