Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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